Lo0sEr's World

Hello world! hows the weather? its been raining since our vacation started.. haha fawked up.. i  didnt even get to feel the whole "summer" thing.. haha.. yes it was hot.. but yeah thats about it.. no friggin break.. no kicking back or going to the beach.. haha nada.. but atleast im glad summer classes are over.. but now here comes the hard part.. either i get to go to the next level or stop.. lol.. my dreams are about to unfold.. and like tommorow we have to go to school for some huge assembly.. i dont know what its for but it makes me feel all tingly inside.. haha.. scared and like excited at the same time.. dont know what it is but there's something big waiting for tommorow.. haha.. newayz.. back to the serious part.. so yah.. ill let everyone catch up first.. as you all know.. there again i fawked up on another friendship.. one that has gone horribly wrong cause of my fault.. yep.. tried to fix it.. did everything to save most of it (or atleast i hope).. but now like everything is just out in the open.. waiting for things to just fall into place.. and yeah.. like.. i know its messed up but i still went into his FS account just to see hows he's doing... (yeah i know its fawked up) but like it was for a good cause.. lol.. i think.. i saw like how i messed up big time on him.. he raised his own walls way up high.. limited his friends.. so does his trust to people around him.. hated the world.. and so like i feel so fawked up that i cant help him.. he thinks he has lost everything.. hated his family.. friends.. and like im wondering how this person lives each day carrying all his problems by himself.. like i think thats cool if you can handle it on your own.. cause like i certainly cant do that myself lol.. his shoutout even says it: "I`m Drowned a the sea with my relatives and my friends but no one ever cares, they only cares about thereselves, they are selfish and useless, if its just legal to kill everyone i would do it for the sake of happiness and perfection".. and right now i feel all sorry for him.. fawked up my self.. *sigh*

Sup world! so far no comments.. still good.. everythings aight.. well atleast i think.. to start off.. went to school.. failed 2 quizzes.. got my project grades.. went pretty well.. cooked up a project in school.. a HUGE DISASTER.. haha.. didnt get along with certain people among my group mates.. it seems that everytime they get to know me better they get like a "personality-shock" kinda thing.. haha.. like that quiet kid at the back of the room seems like a fawked up person now.. haha.. my way of getting to know other people i guess.. see.. i used to be a quiet kid.. never socialized that much untill the day i found my talent.. making other people laugh.. made new friends through the abuse of my talent of course.. haha.. but it seems like not everyone can ride along with what i do.. sometimes it gets me so confused on which one should i stick to.. i cant balance both.. its hard to play both sides.. should i be the quiet do0d with no friends on the back of the room or that kid who talks alot with friends but also has enemys along the way.. haha.. never decided on which side should i go.. the but the dark side seems pretty aight.. haha jk..and nothing seems to go my way for today.. not even my horroscope which says:

 "Interaction with others may not be especially satisfying for you today,You may get the feeling that other people don't really care as much as you thought they did. Keep in mind that everyone is doing the best they can and that most people are not as sensitive as you are. They probably have no idea what sort of impact their words are having on you. Give others the benefit of the doubt."

haha.. like should i be sensitive when others are fawked up around me? why cant i play their own game.. its not my fault im better at it than they do.. they get so pissed off whenever a kid joins in their own game and they realize that the new kid is better than them.. haha..so messed up..

but im sensitive enuff to keep other people's privacy.. like each and everyone of my friends has their own fawked up stories which i keep from my other friends and its only between the both of us.. my way of being a friend to them.. seems like ive learned on my own that being alone feels so fawked up and the only way to help those who are alone is by being a friend to them.. cause i know how it feels and ive been there.. and in keeping them beside me i also feel like im not so alone after all... but i dont think they appreciate it as much as i appreciate them.. like im only their friend when they need me.. and whenever i feel so alone no one is always there to catch me.. when ever i fawk up they only see the mistake that i did and forget everything that i am.. like they see me as a fawked up person just because of one mistake i did..  the world plays a fawked up rule that even i cant even get sometimes.. its like a game you cant quit.. but you always lose..but in losing you learn and at the same time earn alot of bruises in the process haha..and at the end of all this.. there's only one thing i really need.. a friend.. a friend who will understand me for who i am.. a friend who im able to speak my mind out without ever watching what i say.. an open minded person who will support me but at the same time stop me whenever im doing something wrong.. a friend who, if i ever fawked over, will forgive me and let the lessons be learned behind all of it.. a friend who i can trust with everything.. and i tell you i'd give my whole life to that person just to show how much our friendship means to me.. i'd give up everything and wont even leave anything for myself and i wont even worry about a thing.. like if he or she ever decides to fawk me over id give em a chance to kill me rather than to let me live a life of regret and guilt of ever trusting that person.. [=

-Carl

HAHA! watsup world! yup im back to blogging.. finally.. i get to talk to myself again.. haha.. freely expressing what my brain has to say.. so ya.. hmn.. to start off.. thanks for neone who takes their time off to read my blog.. i hope ur not wasting ur time.. and enjoy your stay haha.. newayz.. yah.. i just noticed my background.. i missed playing halo.. i wonder watever happened to the storyline on the latest released game.. hmn.. and yah.. life for me so far is doing pretty aight.. same old story.. was rinse and repeat.. i messed up again big time.. haha.. time seems to repeat itself and its a B*tch i tell you.. i dont know what i keep on doing wrong.. or maybe i do.. i just dont seem to learn.. cause everytime i fawk up i tend to hide or run away from it.. haha.. my way of facing my problems.. what i can i do.. thats how i got used to.. and yup.. friends and family are always a problematic area for me.. and sometimes i tend to focus on other people's problem rather than my own.. just my way of keeping myself busy from thinking about my own problems.. haha.. and in a way i learn from their problems.. and at the same time i become a friend to them when they need one.. cause i know how fawked up it feels when your thinking of something and you just cant seem to handle it.. right now im having some major issues with my friends.. and everything feels like the same crap all over again.. and like i dont want this crap anymore and i dont know if im doing the right thing by just walking away from it.. i tried my best to resolve it but what can i do if no one wants to cooperate with me.. might as well fawk it.. like completely forget it.. ill just walk away from it.. and everytime i see them i feel so fawked up cause i know that even if its not there it feels like theres this huge wall in between us.. and i cant stand that.. i want to be alone again but at the same time i dont want to.. i tend to hurt the feelings of people around me.. and everytime i do i just dont know wat to do.. the word "sorry" seems redundant nowadays.. like its worthless.. cant bring back what you did.. its still there no matter what.. and another fawked up thing i hate: everytime.. i mean everytime i fawk up.. one mistake.. they forget everything you've done for them.. you might say that yeah that means they are not real friends.. but if you put yourself in my situation it would be a different scenario for you.. its easy to give advise to someone cause your not in their position.. but what i tend to do is i just let things fall in to place..like forget what everyone might say.. ill take every crap they'd throw at me.. and im willing to risk everything just to keep my friends.. and thats how much i value my friends.. even if id get fawked over so many times its ok.. i learn each and everytime i fawked up.. i just hope i can fix any unresolved issue before i move on.. you dont know how much i think about it and how it affects me so much thinking of every minor detail that i can do or take.. and my mind tends to kill me by repeating the moment i fawked up.. thinking of every detail and the guilt of the things i should have done to prevent that moment from getting worst.. hmn.. life.. and easy word to say.. a four letter word that if you live it. it seems like a different story and a long learning process.. but still.. im not willing to give up.. but maybe someday ill break down and finally accept my loss.. haha.. hope that day wont come.. uh huh.. so yah.. thats about it for my first blog..  expect for more things to come as i update everyone with whats happening to me.. ill try to re-up some new pics.. haha.. hate reminiscing the past.. gotta live whats today.. so ya.. sho0tz.. ciao.. keep posted peeps!

-Carl [=